Today, Vicki and I have 7 tips for practicing positive discipline. And the last one if my favorite one. Let’s jump right in, Vicki. What’s tip number 1 for positive discipline?
-So, tip number 1 is take care of yourself. That seems crazy that that would be the first tip. In order to show up and participate in positive discipline, you got to be taking care of yourself. So that you’re in the right space.
-Yes. This makes total perfect logical sense when you think about it. The problem is we don’t naturally do it.
-Right.
-Parents are so concerned about their kids. They always want to take care of them first.
-But we need to take care of ourselves.
-Biggest gift you can give to your child is a fully functional parents. So, find out what you need to do to take care of yourself. That’s tip number 1.
-So, Paul. What’s tip number 2?
-It’s the one that I usually start with, actually.
-That’s true.
-Remember your job. What’s your job as a parent? We get distracted a lot of times in it. Well, our job is to make sure that our kids safe, happy, well adjusted, stable, well disciplined. That’s not your job. Your job as a parent is to love them no matter what and even if. If you’ve been here on the channel very long, you’ve heard me say that a time and time again. Go to the positive parenting playlist here at Live On Purpose TV. And you’ll hear it repeated. But that’s why it’s so important to mention
it right here as one of the foundational building blocks for positive discipline. Your job is to love them no matter what and even if. Alright. Back to you, Vicki. What’s tip number 3?
it right here as one of the foundational building blocks for positive discipline. Your job is to love them no matter what and even if. Alright. Back to you, Vicki. What’s tip number 3?
-If piggy back’s off at tip number 2, if you remember that you love and you show up as a loving parent and that that is your main message that you’re sending to your child, then it’s easier to remember and own the role of being a benevolent, loving, caring provider of good things parent.
-Know that you’ve got some chatter going on in your mind because I hear it in the comments down below as I’ve talked to you individually. “I don’t think I’m going to do a good job as a parent.” You’re a benevolent, generous, loving parent. There are so many arguments that support that. Own the role. Take it on.
-You know, we’re talking a lot about this how we’re showing up because when you go to discipline your child in a positive way, you need to be comfortable and confident in who you are and that you are coming from the right angle as you discipline. So, that you know that the reason for discipline isn’t because your mad at your kids. It’s because you want their course corrected. Okay, Paul. Number 4?
-Get to YES.
-This is one of my favorite tips.
-You know how you’re constantly saying no? “No, no, no, no!” Let’s get to YES.
-Yeah. It does such a great tip for positive discipline because if you can get to yes as often as you can when it have to be a no, it carries more weight.
-How can you do this?
-Remember in your mind is not just yes. It’s “Yes, if” or “Yes, when.”
-Yeah.
-Do you see? And you can answer almost anything. So, your child comes to you. “Mom, can I have a new car?”
-Yes.
-When you could pay for it.
-Right. “Yes, when you can pay for the darn thing. And you can afford the insurance and everything else.” Right? So, get to yes. As a parent, that puts you in a very powerful positive position. I think we’re up to number 5. Vicki, bring it on.
-So, one thing we have to remember is that discipline is not punishment. -And punishment is not negative.
-Right.
-Neither is reinforcement necessarily positive.
-Okay. You’re right because I work with so many children that we often reinforce them in a kind of a negative way. We give them a negative attention etc, like that. So, you need to remember that discipline can be a very positive thing. it’s not a negative or a harsh thing. It doesn’t have to be. Well, it shouldn’t be.
-I’ve had some parents ask me, “So, I’m not suppose to punish my children?” You are suppose to punish your children. But it’s not a negative thing. Punishment and reinforcement are behavioral psychology terms. And we won’t get into all the details around what that means in this video. Although we’ve talked about it in one of the videos here on the channel . Remember, positive discipline is not necessary about punishment or reinforcement. You can use both of those in a positive way to bring about better outcomes for your kids.
-Alright. That leads us to number 6.
-We’re at to 6 already?
-We are.
-Wording matters. The word you pick matter. And as we’re talking about positive discipline, how about we use some positive wording?
-Right.
-Are you down for that? So, an example: “You can’t have any desser unless you finish all your dinner.” Alright, consider how that feels. Now, let’s change it up to a positive wording. “You can have dessert as soon as you’ve finish all of your dinner. Did I say basically the same thing?
-Yeah. The same meaning but it felt different.
-I changed up the words to be positive.
-You know, I take this one a lot also with what kids think of as parents nagging them all the time.
-Yes.
-Because they always say, “Don’t forget this, don’t forget…” I think it feels a lot different if you say, “Remember your coat. Remember to bring home your lunch box.” Instead of “Don’t forget your lunch box home.”
-Yes.
-So, wording matters.
-Slight adjustment, big change in the energy. Well, Vicki. How did you get my favorite one?
-Well, you know, we just went back and forth but now, I’m going to let you take it because this is your favorite one. What is it?
-It is my favorite one. Here it is.
-Choose to enjoy your kids. Think about those words. Choose, see that it’s a choice. Some parents just go through life feeling like their being beat up by the circumstances. Really? You’ve got some choice in the matter. And the word “enjoy” which contains the little word “joy” which I think the whole purpose in the first place. Why did we have family to start with? Because you want to experience joy.
What if you knew that it was a choice? And the thing is until you see it as a choice, it’s not. And you’ll just throw with whatever it is that you’re already programmed to do. Choose to enjoy. Positive discipline is only a part of positive parenting. Vicki and I have collaborated to create some resources for you. Vicki, tell them more they can connect to that.
-If you go to parentingpowerup.com, you’re going to have opportunity to look for downloads. And there’s communities there. There are digital products.
-Coaching programs. And you can sign up for a Parenting breakthrough call. There’s a link down in the description. That will help you to get connected with all of these amazing resources. We’re honored to be on your positive parenting team.
